The following is something I shared recently with a friend of mine. To tell you the truth, I don’t know this friend very well, but when I found out that she struggled with something I have struggled with, I felt an immediate bond, and I hope she can say the same thing about me.
” I feel like I’ve dealt with depression almost my entire life since I was about 9 years old. It started when I was very young and I would just get this overwhelming feeling of not being good. Not ‘not being a good person’, but actually not feeling worthy or worth life. I’m sure you have felt the same way and know what I mean.
I now can say I have victory over depression, but it doesn’t mean I am always happy. Sometimes things still get me down a lot more than they would a normal person, and I do still sometimes struggle with negative thoughts about myself, but even though I might feel a certain way it no longer has that debilitating power over my life and I am now able to fight back with the Word of God. Because of this I’ve been able to do things I wouldn’t have thought myself capable of before and I am so thankful, but sometimes I still wonder if there is a reason why I am this way, because like I said before, even though I know I have victory over depression, I still sometimes have to fight very hard not to slip back into it.
Last night during the worship service, God revealed something to me. He reminded me of something I had read a while ago in a David Kuo blog called ‘Thin Places’. The idea of a “Thin Place’ is that whatever mental, emotional or spiritual walls between a person and God become thinner in certain places or environments and we can better connect with God. Every week he would ask people to send in pictures of their ‘thin places’. Usually people would send in pictures taken from beautiful mountaintops or overlooking the sea or a lightning storm or rainbow or some other kind of natural wonder. I thought about the thinnest place I had ever been and this was it:
I was about 15 or 16 years old. I was going through a severe bout of depression and my mom was extremely ill. She was on medications that changed her personality … I was on my knees in my bedroom with the light off except for the lamp by my bed. I was hiding because I didn’t like my parents to know what I did every day when I came home from school, which was to hide on the far side of my bed away from the door and cry, scream and pray into a pillow. Sometimes I prayed for God to heal my mom, more often I was furious with her because I didn’t really understand what was going on and just screamed and cried. It is not what most people think of when they try to imagine a thin place, but God was always there and each time I went to him He loved me in a real and amazing way and that gave me the strength I needed to go on.
Then God reminded me of the many times in my life that I have battled depression, negative self-talk and low self esteem. The many, many times I cried and thought terrible things about myself and my life. Then he showed me that those times, when I was at my lowest point, were the thinnest places. They were the times when there was the least separation between me and Him, if I would only reach out and let him love me.
The world we live in is hard for people like us because we’re expected to always put on a happy face, but I want you to know there is nothing wrong with being sad and it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, physically or spiritually. It probably just means that you are a compassionate person who is able to feel things very, very deeply. This is not a curse, it is a blessing! Even though it is VERY hard at times and I would not wish my ‘blessing’ on anyone, I am so, so glad God made me this way because I’ve been able to experience God’s love so deeply and intensely, and I would not trade that for an easy, pain-free life, EVER.
Psalms 56:8 – David says about the Lord:
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”“
Is God taking you through a thin place now?
I have totally NOT abandoned my blog, guys, I promise. In fact, I just now decided that this blog has got to have more of ‘me’ instead of just my cooking. The reason I haven’t been keeping up with my blog isn’t that I haven’t wanted to write, just that I don’t always want to write about food or recipes. There have actually been several times when I’ve just wanted to share thoughts or funny stories, but I felt held back by my own silly rule that this is a ‘cooking blog’. Well, I don’t want it to be just a ‘cooking blog’ any more. I will always want to share recipes and my food-adventures, but I also want this to be a place where I can share my life with people that may care to hear about it.
Without further ado, the rest of this entry is dedicated to my beloved husband, Sam, aka @portorikan. Thanks for reminding me that some rules are made to be broken, especially stupid ones that are just in your own mind.
10 WAYS TO ANNOY @PORTORIKAN
10. USE THE FACT THAT HE IS EXTREMELY TICKLISH TO YOUR ADVANTAGE IN CREATIVE WAYS.
9. WHEN HE DOESN’T GET YOU A PUPPY, PRETEND THAT HE IS YOUR PUPPY.
8. WHEN YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT WITH HIM, INSIST THAT YOU SHARE A MEAL. THEN TELL HIM YOU LIKE ANYTHING. THEN SAY “EXCEPT THAT” TO WHATEVER HE SUGGESTS.
7. WHEN HE GETS MAD AT #8, TELL HIM YOU HAVE A GREAT IDEA. THEN TAKE HIM TO GOLDEN CORRAL.
6. MAKE GUACAMOLE. LET HIM GET ALL EXCITED WHEN HE SEES YOU MAKING IT. THEN TELL HIM HE CAN’T HAVE ANY BECAUSE IT’S FOR SOMEBODY ELSE.
5. BORROW HIS IPOD. WHILE HE IS UNCONSCIOUS (What? How else do you think he’s going to let you borrow it?) GO TO @ANGELRIOS’S HOUSE, ERASE ALL OF THE MUSIC ON @PORTORIKAN’S IPOD AND REPLACE IT WITH ALL OF @ANGELRIOS’S MUSIC.
4. BUY HIM CLOTHES FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. WRAP THEM SO THAT THEY RESEMBLE A GUITAR.
3. START A MOVIE HE REALLY WANTS TO SEE WITHOUT HIM. TWEET ABOUT IT. INCLUDE SPOILERS.
2. BE EXTRA CHEERFUL EARLY ON A SATURDAY MORNING. TURN THE LIGHTS ON AND SING, “RISE AND SHINE AND GIVE GOD THE GLORY GLORY…”
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO ANNOY @PORTORIKAN…
1. REFER TO HIM AS MEXICAN.
(By the way, what’s wrong with being a Mexican, man? Huh? HUH?!?!?!)
Hope to see ya’ll later in the week when I will tell you all how to make crack! 
Many new things are happening in my life now. I just got a new job (PRAISE!!!) with my wonderful friend Christine Rios, I am going to be leading a Life Group at our church Every Nation Tallahassee for the first time ever, and with our financial situation looking bright I am starting to dream of the future in ways that I haven’t before.
All these changes are good, but they are also a little intimidating. Sadly, with a longer commute, I have not been able to cook as much as I like or put as much effort into my dishes. I really want to continue to grow as a cook but lately I’ve ended up cooking the same old things. Maybe right now with all the other changes in my life familiar dishes are just what I need.
I think sometimes I struggle too much with what other people think of me. I feel like I need to prove myself, even if I have already been accepted. I guess it’s the curse of being a people-pleaser. In my new job, for instance, I’ve noticed myself getting very nervous about my performance even though no one has given me any negative feedback. I’ve been thinking: Maybe I just need to chill out and be myself. There is a reason why my new company hired me, so I don’t need to try to reinvent myself in order to keep my job.
This is a lesson I am trying to learn in other areas of my life as well. I am a good cook. I don’t need to be the best in the world or make something new and spectacular every day to know that my stuff is good and people like it. I am accepted by God, I don’t need the approval of every person on the planet. I am accepted by my friends, family and husband and they never expected me to be perfect, just to be who I am.
OK, time for some comfort food: two old recipes, nothing too spectacular about them, just some things that have been sitting in my recipe book for so long I know them by heart.
LEMON GARLIC CHICKEN
This chicken is good as a base to make chicken soups, chicken salads, casseroles, dips; anything that requires little tender pieces of chicken. You can also serve it mixed in with rice. When it is done cooking it literally falls to pieces. :)
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs
Juice of one lemon (less if desired)
1 tsp minced garlic
1 cup chicken broth or bouillon plus H2O to make one cup
Oregano, salt and pepper to taste
2 T EVOO
1. Trim thighs of fat if needed. Season on both sides with salt, pepper and oregano. Brown in EVOO in a skillet for about 2-3 minutes on each side.
2. Put chicken in a crockpot with lemon juice, garlic and broth and simmer 2-3 hours on high or 4-6 hours on low.
3. Drain well and serve with rice, in chicken salad, dips or casseroles, or use the whole pot’s contents as a base to make chicken soup.
NATALIE’S CHICKEN TORTILLA SOUP
(It makes a TON. Take some to somebody who’s not feeling good or freeze half for later.)
Lemon Garlic Chicken, whole pot including broth (skim off fat if needed)
One can of Rotel
One can of corn
One cup diced onion
One diced bell pepper
1-2 stalks of celery
Fresh cilantro, about a handful, plus a little extra for garnish
Cayenne pepper, optional (add about 1/2 tsp at a time)
Salt, pepper and cumin
Water
Tortilla chips, sliced avocado, sour cream, cheese and sliced limes: optional garnish
1. Sautee onions and pepper until soft in a large pot.
2. Add chicken with broth, cans of Rotel and corn (both with juice), celery, and chopped cilantro. Throw in the celery and some water if desired to get the soup to the consistency you want.
3. Bring to a boil, then simmer for 1-2 hours, tasting and seasoning with salt, pepper, cumin, & cayenne pepper if desired as the soup cooks. If you add cayenne it will get spicier as it cooks! Take out the celery before serving.
4. Garnish as desired with fresh cilantro/ sour cream/cheese/ chips/ avocadoes/limes.
My wonderful husband Sam got me The Flavor Bible for Christmas. I loved this quote from Andre Simon, a gourmet and wine connoisseur:
Food without wine is a corpse; wine without food is a ghost. United and well matched, they are as body and soul; living partners.
Funny thing is, when the quote caught my attention, I couldn’t figure out why I connected with it so much. I’m not a big drinker, especially of wine. (I know, shame on me- I am just starting to develop a taste for it!) I guess it’s the idea of something with so much potential, like a meal fit for a king, never reaching that potential because it lacks some vital piece- not just a piece, but a ‘living partner’.
When I read this quote, I’m reminded that I can never reach my own potential without the spirit of God in my life. I can try my hardest to follow all the instructions, choose the finest ingredients and best equipment, and I may even do an excellent job at what I’m trying to make of my life, but it will never be as good as it could be if I leave God out of the mix.
I am the vine, you are the branches. He who remains in me, and I in him, bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5
